Fear of judgement

“Are you afraid of being seen?”

When someone asked me this question recently, I scoffed.

“Heck no!” I thought, initially.

After a moment, my thoughts switched to:

“Well, I mean, MOST of the time I don’t mind being seen. I’m not exactly an awkward turtle who retracts into my shell as soon as I’m in front of people.”

And then, not even five minutes later, I thought…

“Well, there was that one time that I decided to wear bright orangey-red lipstick to my ultra-conservative corporate office job and immediately hid in the bathroom with a tissue shaking in my hand desperately wanting to wipe it all off because someone might judge me.”


When it comes to “being seen” there’s a creepy, silent sparkle killer that looms in the backdrop, just waiting for a dip in confidence to grab us into its evil clutches.

That silent killer is, you guessed it, judgment.

Specifically, judgment from others.

Being seen means that you’re putting yourself out there for the world to see, judgey comments, and all.

So, here’s how to deal.

Close your eyes…

Transport yourself back to childhood. When you’d proudly flounce around in a pink tutu, 17 of your mom’s necklaces, striped socks, and smudged red lipstick.

You’d wear that get-up everywhere. The grocery store. To the playground. To family gatherings.

Whatevs. You owned it.

You weren’t afraid of being seen.

You didn’t care if people were staring at you. If they were judging you.

So many of my clients say to me: “Shelley, I really wish I could wear blue pants, a bright colored lipstick, a smoky eye, a sari to a wedding – but I just can’t do it. I’m not game enough!”

My answer is always: “Love, you can totally rock that – let’s figure out what’s holding you back and then create a pretty plan to get you into those fancy pants!”

I whole-heartedly believe in self-expression and love to use clothes, accessories, shoes and makeup – not as a mask – but as a window to your personality and sparkly spirit!

So next time you want to do or wear ‘that thing’ that makes you a little uncomfortable and takes you out of your cushy comfort zone, ask yourself:

Am I afraid to be seen?

And if you answer “yes”, go ahead a rock it anyway!

Because, just like the younger version of yourself who totally wore your mom’s pantyhose over your jeans, the only person that needs to like what you’re wearing… is YOU.

What’s your story?

Was there a time that you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone to rock something you loved? Comment below or email me, I’d love to hear it.

With love and gratitude,
Shelley Cohen